(Tim Seltzer, seltzer@seltzerbooks.com) Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I do not own Wedding Peach.
I do not own any great quantity of money or property. I'm a STUDENT; that's
why I'm poor, okay?
Author's Notes: There is no pairing yet; that's for the sequel.
Besides, a dead-tie is really annoying (which seems to be what happened,
although I'm not sure), and it seems that "Dimensional Exchanges" is going
well without any pairings. Again, this might change.
Oh, yeah. At this period in time of the story: Sakura only has ONE new
jutsu. It's a sword-power-up with wind-demon chakra. Please, dear readers,
understand that Sakura will not get powerful so easily and so quickly.
She's the heroine, for crying out loud. And when she gets back to the Shinobi
world... (author cackles madly) Well, let's just say that it won't be a
walk in the park there, either.
Anyway: this chapter is dedicated to all those who write good parodies.
Minoru surveyed the landscape. What he saw did not please him. "DAMN!!"
he exclaimed.
Sakura and Potamos looked, to see what exactly he swore at.
"So... It's a mountain," Sakura observed. "And from the look on your
face, I guess it just decided to jump in our way to the village."
"Yes," the elf sighed.
"So what? We can wait for it to pass!" Potamos said, although she secretly
had a wish to have a warm bath. "I'm getting used to all this hunting and
stuff."
"You haven't seen anything yet," Minoru mumbled. "Yet what is truly
inconvenient is that the mountain is covering an energy spring. Our first
goal is buried under meters and meters of earth."
Sakura was slightly ticked off with this piece of information. That
meant even more time wasted on their journey. 'This RIDICULOUS realm,
if you can call it a realm at all! SHANNAROOO!'
"So what are we going to do?" Sakura asked.
"Well, judging by the speed and direction the mountain is going, it
would be safest to go around its eastern side. The faster — yet more dangerous
— route to the village would be to climb the mountain. We'll have to collect
the energy from the spring later." Minoru glanced at his two female companions.
"I guess you both are excited for a vertical challenge," he guessed out-loud.
"Let's go climbing!" Potamos chimed.
'I second that one!' Instead of saying anything, the green-eyed
kunoichi nodded with a smile.
"Alright," the blond elf said, a grin tracing his lips.
"Yeay!" Potamos shouted in triumph.
A girl with short, dark hair walked quietly through the red-painted
torii to the Shinto shrine. She took yet another long time in the forest
to train alone, and it was already evening.
'I probably missed supper at home,' she thought. Her eyes filled with
tears. 'Like it would matter to my father anyway if I show up or not. I'm
already a disgrace in his eyes.'
Hinata often visited the village shrine, because it was the only place
where she felt at peace. As for hope, encouragement, and a touch of positive
nervousness: she got those from Naruto. He might not have known how much
his existence and philosophy of life made an impact on her. But she was
still thankful of his friendship and encouragement. She remembered with
endearment that time, exactly a year ago, when she told Naruto that he
was a strong person.
But at this moment, it did not matter to Hinata. She failed, yet again,
to graduate the Chuunin exams.
There was nothing abnormal about failing the Chuunin examination at
the age of thirteen. Most genin did not pass until they were seventeen
or older. Hinata had nothing to worry about in the public eye; her fighting
style was a unique and feared one in the Shinobi World. Although her father
had given up tutoring her long ago, Hinata studied and practiced the Hyuuga
Juuken-style on an independent basis.
Yet what scared her terribly was the possibility that she would never
pass. Kiba and Shino passed the examinations, leaving her behind.
She had never felt so alone. She would have to be set in a whole new
team. Kiba and Shino were good friends, and Kurenai was a wonderful teacher.
The girl looked at her palms, hardened from the practice of Jyuuken.
She cleansed them in the spring of water near the foot of the shrine. Hinata
walked up to the sacred area, shook the red-and-white rope to sound out
the clunky bells. She clapped her hands twice, and closed her eyes in respect.
Peaceful. It was so peaceful, simply to stand there. It did not even
matter if the gods were real or not; doing the ritual was calming in itself.
'If I weren't a Hyuuga, I would probably have taken up the job as a miko,'
Hinata thought to herself with a smile.
'Why don't you?' a soft voice asked. There was a touch of an echo to
it.
Hinata's light, pearl-colored eyes opened in fright. The veins around
her eyes became more prominent, checking around for anybody. She saw plenty
of unusual things, true — her Byakugan came in very handy; it was almost
like a sixth sense to her. Yet hearing people she could not see, even with
the Byakugan, was something new. She heard a voice, but nobody was there.
She ran.
Sakura blinked as she hung from the cliff. She just had an unusual sensation
pass her, as if a major historical event occurred, and that she missed
it completely. The kunoichi shook it off, and continued to climb.
Minoru was climbing up with vines that 'mysteriously' grew up the rocky
cliff within the last half-hour.
"That's cheating!!" Potamos whined as she saw the tendrils slowly go
up next to her. They refused to help anyone but the elf.
"Look, it's not as if I have any CHOICE in the matter," Minoru growled.
"The Rifts recognize me as a native, so my magic is a little more advanced
in this place. So much that it's automatic at times."
"It's still cheating," the water-demon complained.
"Oh, come off it, Potamos," Sakura said. "We need the exercise for the
arms and legs." She then whispered next to the water-demon's ear, "Besides,
we can keep letting him be a pansy."
"What did you call me?" the elf asked indignantly.
"I'm kidding!" Sakura exclaimed, whereas the water-demon shrieked with
laughter. The two girls had decided to climb the cliff without using chakra.
There was too much of a risk that Potamos would set off water, thus making
the rocky surface nearly impossible to climb.
The pink-haired genin fondly studied the elf, who was now a few meters
to her side. Minoru was now in his battle-uniform, as it was easier to
climb in than his normal robes. He was like the big brother Sakura never
had. He was decades older than her, yet it felt like she knew him forever.
"Minoru-san, your ears are becoming more pointed," Sakura observed.
Indeed, the elf's appearance was turning more and more into what his species
was supposed to look like. "Is that because of the Rifts, too?"
"That is correct," Minoru answered. "Whenever I get a surge of energy
from my native lands, the ears start growing back into their original shape.
So whenever I am out of the Rifts, it's natural that my physical appearance
turns more human-like. So much that people mistake me for a human woman
in the normal realms."
"Woman — THAT'S just because you're a pretty boy," Potamos said, hitting
the nail on the head. "I bet they think you're a girl, even when you don't
cross-dress." Sakura chuckled as her fingers reached another crevice.
"Oh, please shut up," the elf said in a bored tone.
The three finally reached the top. The place was full of greenery. It
was a good thing their supplies were light; otherwise it would have been
of agony to climb the slope.
Sakura's hands were sore. She saw that one of her nails had painful
separated from the flesh it protected underneath. 'Yeesh, these take nearly
forever to heal,' she thought to herself as she touched the tender fingertip.
A dart whizzed past her, and hit the tree trunk next to her face.
Sakura jumped away. "ON GUARD!" she yelled.
Minoru pulled out two blades, clicking away the shower of darts.
Potamos looked shocked as a number hit her. She stumbled, then fell
over the edge of the rocky cliff.
"POTAMOS!!" Sakura screamed. She saw the water-demon drop into the crevice.
It was too late. In her fury, Sakura looked for the source of the darts.
A man with green hair sat in the trees with a blowgun. Sakura's eyes
locked on his. He looked shocked at the agility of the teenage girl.
"Sakura-san!!" Minoru yelled. He then noticed a sudden dizziness. The
blond looked down at his right thigh, and saw a dart he failed to evade.
"Damn," was all he could say before he passed out.
Sakura was about to touch her katana — when she noticed a light shadow
covering her. She pulled out Tennyo in flash, and sliced apart the net
above with an upper-cut.
The green-haired man sitting in the trees got out of his trance. He
pulled out his own sword, and used it to block Sakura's attack. The two
weapons clashed together.
"You son of a bitch!" Sakura yelled at the green-haired stranger. Their
weapons separated for a moment, and met again in a full-fledged dual.
"Little kitten," he answered as he blocked and evaded her attacks, "I'm
not — trying — to kill you."
'I've got to do something,' she thought frantically. 'And how dare
he call me 'little kitten'!' She noticed that he looked like some sort
of bandit or thief. Sakura jumped back with a burst of chakra in her legs,
and sheathed Tennyo. She flicked her hands together in the order: her one
and only sequence to bring out her wind-demon blood.
Before she could touch the handle to bring out a green, powered-up weapon,
something came out of the trees. Sakura was bewildered to find the same
thief fall on top of her from above, tackling her on the ground. 'Holy
shit, he's FAST!!'
She struggled as she was pinned to the ground by his weight and strong
grip. "I think I need to tie you up with something special, little kitten,"
he whispered.
Something terribly cold touched Sakura's wrists. Her battle aura suddenly
drained out. And then, she knew no more.
Orochimaru threw Sasuke into a cave. The two had a one-on-one battle,
in which the sennin easily had the upper hand. Orochimaru was both proud
and disgusted that his student was going this far without using the curse
— the boy was so stubborn, but nonetheless excellent.
Sasuke fell face-first into a puddle of water.
"You will have approximately two hours before you run out of oxygen,"
Orochimaru called from the entrance. "Ready, go." The daylight plugged
out as the teacher sealed the place completely shut.
Sasuke was exhausted. He took a while to catch his breath. He had an
insane teacher. Genius, yet insane. Sasuke's task was to escape this place.
The raven-haired boy smiled to himself in dark. Now was his chance:
Orochimaru left him completely alone. He waited for months for a moment
like this. Sasuke turned on his Sharingan to see the glow of chakra from
his body.
'Kuchiyose no Jutsu!' he mentally called out as his hands made the seals.
"Hey!" The same little snake that spoke to him — actually, the only
snake that spoke to him — appeared at his feet.
"I have a task for you," Sasuke whispered in the pitch-black. With his
genetic ability, he could see the outline of aura radiating from the animal.
He took out a piece of paper from his fishnet undershirt, and handed it
over. "Take this to Mitarashi Anko. Don't tell the other snakes, and definitely
not Orochimaru if he asks."
"Like he'd ever do that," the anaconda hissed as he grudgingly took
the roll of paper into his jaws. "He hasn't called on the likes of lil'
ol' me for years."
'Good,' Sasuke thought to himself. 'It was hard enough getting hold
of the right paper and ink. I had to steal something while our forces raided
a house.'
The baby anaconda looked expectantly at Sasuke. He was a lot more manners-conscious
than his larger relatives, who usually obeyed orders without question.
"Well?" he asked impatiently. "Aren't you going to thank me for being the
messenger?"
"...Thanks," Sasuke mumbled. His innards twisted. It had been a long
time since he thanked anybody for anything.
(( "Sakura... Thank you." ))
"You're very welcome," the snake said with a tone of satisfaction, even
though what he got of a thank-you was barely coherent. He and the rolled-up
parchment disappeared in a poof of smoke.
The raven-haired young man sighed, and picked himself up from the mucky
ground. 'Now to get out of here before Orochimaru starts wondering what
I'm doing.'
"Mmmmm..." Sakura's eyes fluttered open to the sound of merrymaking
and dancing. She noticed that her wrists were tied behind her back, and
her ankles bond together with the same material. She was in a sitting position
next to a warm body.
"Minoru-san!" Sakura exclaimed.
"Sakura-san... I'm sorry. I wasn't alert enough." His voice was hoarse.
He looked drugged, with bags hanging under his eyes. "And Potamos is..."
Sakura turned away. She had seen Potamos fall over the cliff, darts
riddling her skin. The kunoichi would have cried, here and now, were it
not for the sticky situation they were in.
"Hey, look! The prisoners are awake!" someone yelled in a drunken stupor.
Of course, not many could hear him; other people in the party were yelling
and singing as well.
Sakura turned around, and found herself surrounded by a number of thieves.
The place they were in looked like the hall of an abandoned castle. All
sorts of odd commodities lurked in the dirty corners. Gold and silver golbets,
weaponry, trinkets, jewelry: the works.
The drunken thief clumsily staggered toward them. He sat down in front
of Sakura. "Hmmm... You're a fine piece, girl. I've always liked green
eyes. I never thought that pink was a good hair color, but ya proved me
wrong." He hiccuped, and giggled.
Sakura wondered whether a compliment from a drunken idiot counted as
anything. He then stuck his slobbery face into her own, his breath reeking
of alcohol. "Then again, you don't seem to have any boobs."
Sakura spat in his face. 'GO AWAY, CREEP!!'
She realized, too late, that this move was the wrong one. The bandit's
face folded together in a snarl. "Why, you little —"
CLUNK.
The man dropped on the ground, unconscious, from a blow of a pot on
the back of his head. Sakura saw that the person who knocked him out, was
none other than the thief who caught her and Minoru in the first place.
The green-haired thief turned around, and addressed the bandits who
were intently watching the scene. "They're mine," he said coldly. "I caught
them."
The others turned away nervously, and resumed their partying activities.
Apparently, Sakura noted, this man was feared and respected among the group.
The thief stooped down to the kunoichi. "You shouldn't cause so much
attention to yourself," he warned. "You're helpless, after all." He held
up her shuriken holster for her to see.
Sakura resisted the urge to spit at him as well. Yet something was not
right as she glanced back down to her own body.
Tennyo was still strapped to her waist. 'Why the hell is this?' Sakura
thought. The katana still in her possession did not help now, as her wrists
were secured tightly behind her back. Yet why did the thief not take it
from her? A blade like Tennyo was easily ten times more valuable than her
ninja gear.
Sakura glanced at Minoru. He was stripped of his travel gear. Whether
he still was with his knives, Sakura could not tell; he hid them so well.
As half an hour passed by, the blond elf's appearance turned better.
Minoru began to whisper strange words to himself. Sakura smiled: he was
trying a spell.
Minoru gasped in pain.
"Magic won't work while you're in those ropes," the green-haired thief
causally mentioned. "They absorb ki once you try to produce it. So don't
try anything funny if you value your life."
"What do you want, human?" Minoru asked in a low voice, after the pain
subsided. "Why didn't you kill us when you had the chance?"
"I'll keep those reasons to myself," the thief said quietly. "Meanwhile,
keep it down, unless you want to die a humiliating death by the others."
He walked away, knowing that the show was over.
"I can't BELIEVE I was caught by a human," Minoru brooded out-loud.
"At least I know he's decent."
"How do you know that?!" Sakura demanded.
Minoru remained silent. 'Great, he's pulling a Sasuke,' Sakura thought
to herself in disgust, although some part of her wanted to grin.
It was a few hours before anything changed in the party.
When something did happen, it was nothing that any of the thieves expected.
Nor was it anything Sakura or Minoru wanted.
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!!" a voice echoed through the hallway.
'Oh, damnation...' Minoru thought, rolling his eyes. He recognized that
chirpy sound anywhere.
The thieves turned their heads to the upper window that showed the sillouette
of a young girl in a very short dress. She seemed unfazed by the tough
crowd's response, which was half-drunk and half-laughing.
'WHY THE HELL IS HER BACK TURNED TOWARDS US?!' Inner Sakura complained.
"Festivities and liquor with good cheer are all fine and well," the
darkened figure announced, "but when my friends are taken prisoner and
tied up like some livestock..."
"What?!" Minoru hissed.
"...then your party has turned into nothing but a lame college party!!"
the figure ended. "You are no different than your idiot-counterparts on
Earth!!"
Suddenly, the hall stopped laughing and hooting, and the thieves glowered
at the figure. "Who hell asked you to be a judge?!" one bandit yelled out.
The figure posed.
Sakura could swear that the moon was getting brighter as the person
turned her head.
"I am Potamos of the Suima-Zoku!! You lot have done far enough to insult
and hurt my team! IN THE NAME OF UNDINE, the guardian spirit of water,
I SHALL PUNISH Y—"
CLUNK.
The water-demon collapsed. Stars bounced around in her vision. Above
her stood none other than the green-haired thief, with the exact same pot
he used on the fellow thief earlier that evening.
"Fellow kinsmen, resume with the party. We've just acquired another
prisoner!!" he announced. "Let's make a toast — to Undine!"
The hall erupted in cheers and laughter.
"Potamos, you MORON!!" Sakura cried out.
Pretty soon, the water-demon was tied up in said anti-chakra ropes,
and dropped off next to her comrades.
"Ya sure have a knack with catching weirdos," one thief commented to
the green-haired man.
"Thanks," he replied casually, a disgusting smirk on his face.
"Devil-child," Minoru spat to Potamos.
"I just wanted to make a point!" she wailed. Her yellow cat-eyes filled
up with tears. "Ow. These ropes hurt."
Sakura fumed. 'SHANNAROOO, we are SCREWED!!' "If there is a next
time, Potamos — then try an ambush," she growled.
Notes:
"torii" - gateway to the Shinto shrine.
"miko" - priestess. They are daughters of priests or local residents,
performing minor duties of a Shinto shrine, as well as participate in ceremonial
dances for the kami. They are NOT vestal virgins, and when they marry,
their positions are taken up by others.
If you have questions, comments, or suggestions, please tell me! If
I suck, by all means tell me. In an intelligent manner.
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