Inuyasha felt guilty.
Really guilty.
A hell of a lot more guilty than he normally felt, anyway.
Dinner had been a silent, stilted affair in which nobody said anything and everyone spent their time alternating between eating and shooting disapproving, accusing glares at Inuyasha. Well…everyone except for Kagome. She wouldn’t even look at him now. She ate quietly, demurely, barely even acknowledging the hanyou’s presence, although she did smile reassuringly (if not unconvincingly) at Shippo from time to time.
Her expression was serious and pensive, her eyes dull and lost of their usual laughing sparkle. She didn’t look at all like herself. In fact, the more Inuyasha discreetly studied her, the more he couldn’t help but think that she looked disturbingly like Kikyou, what with that permanently depressed look on her face. She wasn’t crying, but she looked so miserable that Inuyasha wanted nothing more than to crawl under a rock and hide. She reminded him of a kicked puppy, and he’d been the one who’d done the kicking. He wasn’t the kind of guy who usually made a habit of wallowing in regret, but right then, if there’d been some way to travel back in time and beat the living shit out of himself for having acted like such a first-class jackass, he would’ve happily done it.
As soon as dinner was finished, Kaede headed outside to the wash basin to fill it with heated water from the fire. Kagome quietly excused herself, saying that she had a headache and wanted to lie down awhile. She calmly asked Shippo to help Kaede wash up the dishes in her place. Dishwashing was not something Shippo was very fond of, but rather than complain—for which Inuyasha was thoroughly prepared to trounce the kit if he so much as muttered—he readily agreed to help, and asked if there was anything he could get for her to help the headache go away. She smiled at him kindly and reached to tweak his tail. “Thank you, Shippo, but I think a little rest is all I need. I’m sure I’ll feel better in the morning.”
The fact that she wasn’t speaking with her usual cheerful tone wasn’t lost on anyone. As soon as she disappeared into her room, Shippo turned to fix Inuyasha with a death-glare and bounced a large acorn roughly off the hanyou’s head. “You big dolt!” he yelled, baring his tiny fangs. “It’s all your fault she’s so unhappy!”
Inuyasha growled at him warningly. “Watch it, brat!” he snarled. “I wouldn’t go pissing me off if I were you. Who’s gonna save your sorry hide when I decide to tear it to shreds?”
“First, you threaten to destroy her only way to go home. Then you threaten to actually kill her!” the little fox continued to rant, oblivious to the warning growls vibrating from the hanyou’s throat. “No wonder she hates you now! You don’t deserve someone as nice as Kagome!”
“Shut up!” Inuyasha snarled, and swiped savagely with his claws, just barely missing the kitsune, who squealed in terror and leapt away.
“INUYASHA!”
Both hanyou and kitsune froze dead in their tracks at the furious bellow, while a faint crash from outside the house signaled Kaede’s own startled reaction.
Kagome stood in the doorway, obviously seething, glaring at Inuyasha in a way that she’d not done even when he’d tried to destroy the well. The hanyou gulped silently, sensing that Doom had just been brought down upon his head. Silently, the pissed-off miko-in-training stalked up to him, her eyes boring into his intently. When she was mere inches away from him, she stopped abruptly, raised her hand…and delivered a resounding slap to his face that had him staggering back several paces, his own hand coming up to cradle his reddening cheek in shock. He gaped at her with eyes and mouth wide open—that slap had actually hurt—too bewildered to do anything but stare.
She stood there with her head lowered so that her long bangs shaded her eyes and most of her expression; her hand was still poised in the air, trembling slightly, its palm bright red from the force of her blow. “You can threaten me,” she began in a low, hoarse voice, which also trembled slightly. “You can bully me all you want, if it makes you feel better for everything you think I’ve done to you. Maybe I really am nothing but a weak girl if I can’t defend myself against you. But understand this.”
Her head snapped up suddenly, her brown eyes locking on him with such a look of cold fury that he had to fight to suppress a shudder. “If you even dare to lay one finger on Shippo, no matter how long it takes or how weak my power is, I swear that I’ll use every last ounce of it to seal you back into that tree in a way that nobody will ever be able to wake you up ever again!” Her voice had risen steadily word-by-word, until she was practically shouting in his face, and his sensitive ears flattened against his head in defense. He was starting to look a little nervous, realizing that the girl was deadly serious. Even Shippo was beginning to look a little afraid, having never seen his surrogate mother act in such an irrational manner before.
“Feh!” the hanyou snorted, not at all willing to let the smaller girl know just how much her threat was working. “As if I’d want to waste my time maiming a worthless brat like him!” He glared suddenly, regaining his courage. “But if you think I’m gonna roll over and let him get away with harassing me, think again, little girl! If you don’t want me to touch him, then quit coddling the brat and keep him away from me!” Now it was his turn to yell, and she blinked up at him, but he didn’t give her a chance to retort before turning on his heel and stalking to the door, slamming it open and leaping off into the night.
Kaede, who had heard the entire ordeal, sighed sadly and shook her head as she continued to finish chores.
“Go on, then! Run away, ya big chicken!” Shippo was crowing gleefully. “Just try and—”
“Shippo.”
Though softly spoken, the single word held an unmistakable command which brought the kitsune’s tirade to a stuttering halt. “What?” he asked uneasily, noting the disapproving frown on Kagome’s face.
“He’s right, you know,” Kagome replied quietly. “I do coddle you, even though sometimes you do deserve a good beating for the things you do to him, although he has a habit of overreacting. But, Shippo, I can’t protect you like I used to, and I can’t expect him to just put up with your teasing. If you anger him and he strikes out, what could I do to stop him?”
“You can pin him to that tree, like you threatened to!” the kitsune pouted.
She sighed and closed her eyes. “Would that be fair to him?” she questioned gently. Shippo’s jaw dropped in shock; he hadn’t expected her to take his side in the matter. Seeing the look, Kagome smiled a little. “Shippo, if Inuyasha hurt you just because he could, I’d do everything in my power to stop him, because what’s to keep him from hurting anyone else? But if he’s merely reacting in self-defense, I can’t blame him for lashing out. Everyone lashes out when they’re angry or hurt. I-it’s a natural reaction.” She sighed again. “Please, Shippo, for my sake, will you refrain from teasing Inuyasha anymore? I don’t want to have to worry about you on top of everything else. You don’t have to be nice to him, but at least stay out of his way. Especially when he’s irritated. Don’t make him so angry that he wants to hurt you.”
Shippo huffed and scuffed one little hind-leg on the floor. “Okay,” he grudgingly replied. “I’ll be nicer to Inuyasha. But only ‘cause you want me to!”
“Thanks, Shippo.” Kagome smiled brightly. “I feel better already. Now go help Kaede finish those dishes, okay?”
“Okay!” he chirped, bouncing to the wash basin where the bowls were stacked and ready for a good washing.
Kaede sidled up to Kagome as she turned to go back to her room. She’d been strangely silent all evening, but now it appeared as though she had something rather important to say. Kagome didn’t really feel like talking, but out of respect for the elderly woman, she paused to hear her out.
“I must tell ye, child, that ye have a good heart, to so readily defend Inuyasha. Have ye forgiven him for what he has done to ye?”
“How can I forgive him if he isn’t even sorry?” Kagome replied, with a trace of bitterness. Her expression darkened. “There’s a part of me that can accept why he’s acting this way. I suppose if I’d been under a spell like that, I’d be gloating in my freedom, too. But the things he said to me, and what he tried to do…it hurt, Kaede.” Her face crumpled slightly. “When he’d worn the rosary, as much as he resented it, he’d seemed so much more…caring in the way he treated me. I know he was rude, and blunt, and downright obnoxious at times, but he’d never been so…so cruel to me before. I’d always thought that he liked me…just a little bit. But…now I wonder if I’ve only been fooling myself into hoping for something that…just wasn’t there.”
“Inuyasha’s heart is good, although he hides it well. He does not understand how to show his heart to others, especially to those he cares about. This comes from having nobody to care for him for most of his life,” Kaede stated wisely. “But now this has changed, has it not? Ye care for him a great deal.”
Kagome swallowed around the growing lump in her throat. “I cared about the Inuyasha I knew from the moment those prayer beads were slipped over his head,” she replied bitterly. “But now…it’s like he’s broken or something, just like the spell. I can’t see him anymore. The Inuyasha who is here now is…a stranger. I…I remember him from before the spell.” Her head lowered, long hair flowing forward to hide her profile. “This Inuyasha…he scares me, Kaede,” she whispered. “Maybe it’s stupid to feel that way, but I…I just can’t help it. Maybe he’s right in not letting me go near the well.” She swallowed again, arms wrapping around thin frame, as though experiencing a sudden chill. “I…I think that…if I actually went home this time…I’d never be able to force myself to come back again, promises or no.” She flashed a small, sad smile at the elderly miko, bowed once, and stepped into her room, sliding the door closed behind her.
Kaede
sighed again, her shoulders slumping as she turned to make her way slowly
to the fire. She suddenly felt twice her age. “And now ye know,
Inuyasha,” she murmured, knowing that the hanyou was close by, listening
from wherever he’d chosen to hide himself. “Now ye know what sort
of damage thy words have caused a young maid’s heart. I hope ye can
find thine own heart, before ye break hers completely.”
Wheeeee! I always say, I HATE angst! But hell, I never realized how much fun it is to WRITE before! ^_____^ R&R? You guys are so GOOD at that! ^_~
Quickening
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